- Scrambling eighteen eggs whilst wearing an Iron Man mask. As one does. #
- @JulieByrneHUCS those pickles never stood a chance. also, hello! in reply to JulieByrneHUCS #
- Babe babe babe schmoopsie babe boyfriend babe love nouglette babe. No names, no never again. Babe. #petnamearmageddon #pleasestop #babe #
- Dreamt I was a butterfly. Wait. #SecondaryWorldProblems #
- @realvalnolan and I guess the Irish only had the chavalry–or is that word only used in the UK? #
- I want to make some masks but I think I need to know some more science first. #
- Symbiosis between the reasoning mind and a skin-suit painted with capsaicin. Welcome. Yes. #
- Nobody has ever said, "Let me prove maturity & poise by squirting this packet of strawberry preserves directly into my mouth." And yet. #
- @realvalnolan A word befitting only current subjects of the Queen, not us former ones. in reply to realvalnolan #
- @dropping_dombs truly the Harvard of filler class providing institutions quite close to one's parents' house that are also not too expensive in reply to dropping_dombs #
- @mkazoo every part of that gold mermaid chaplin sounds brilliant. in reply to mkazoo #
- saw a photo of my friend, who is nine, wearing a pink princess helmet while she reads a book. 1, she is doing it right. 2, I want that book. #
- If Tupac were dead, he'd be spinning in his grave. #
- Game: corporate training, google the examples; when you find that presenter cribbed it all, ask increasingly specific prescient questions. #
- Nerd = when somebody says a thing is in "bad shape" and you think of the goban. #
- DON'T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND ONLY COMMUNICATED THROUGH TELEGRAM LIKE ME STOP #
- don't you wish your girlfriend was built of nested clocks, each with a mechanism of bone, the smallest so thin they are translucent… like me #
- don't you wish your girlfriend incanted mysteries beneath a close-leaning moon before the deep takes all, soundlessly, irretrievable…like me #
- @glorioushubris when we finally make the automata, we'll give them penis bones so at least some hindwalkers will match the other animals in reply to glorioushubris #
- @glorioushubris and the ones who don't have/want penises can wear them as horns—consider unicorns invented. (anyway i like your version too) in reply to glorioushubris #
- @glorioushubris my pseudonym will be harlan r.r. le sterchiangalaznymov, & the ascension of my star will be more brilliant from the ground. #
- @glorioushubris i'll edit an anthology after my short story sales; you'll be in it & we'll all buy an island, nebhugola awards for all. in reply to glorioushubris #
- let's play the taxes drinking game: first, you fill out your tax return, and then you start drinking. #
- mommy needs her wine, in other words. #
- wait wait so i am actually happier when i have more money? then why is everybody telling me… oh. right. you have my money. #
- see ok suggestion all right what if i write you some books yeah then can we trade & i give you books & you give me money. all the money yes. #
- My fire-raining vengeance against a world that exists so early. May Snoop have mercy on your souls. #fromorbit http://t.co/2FmOGeKg #
- Want @warrenellis's new mug, WRITERS DON'T RETIRE, http://t.co/5i8COO9a but if I buy it I won't be able to afford to pour anything into it. #
- My dream job is to be the guy that the banker imprisons in chekhov's "the bet." #
- @alisonluntz I have longer thoughts too, but twitter is a form I've gotten used to–used to the stricture. Ones pares down to fit it all in. in reply to alisonluntz #
- @alisonluntz and of course if you need a follow up tweet, follow that sucker up. And then hit him with a sock stuffed with nickels. in reply to alisonluntz #
- @alisonluntz (besides which, I don't think I'm particularly "good." I just say jokes. I use twitter like no risk standup, most of the time.) in reply to alisonluntz #
- Princess James Bond: License to Frill #
- @dropping_dombs born a rapscallion, die a dandy. #caintstop #shantstop in reply to dropping_dombs #
- @themattlondon go for it. Are you & @thejordache still in NYC? I'm coming up for a weekend; i'd like to catch up. in reply to themattlondon #
- @dropping_dombs ruff rhyedahz http://t.co/KXSskdTV #braaaaahhhhhh in reply to dropping_dombs #
- He is no fool who loses what he cannot keep to gain a seaplane and some bear-y good friends. #tailspin #
- Do all of these once a year RT @brainpicker necessary, yet so sad in its necessity: 50 things to do before you are 11 ¾ http://t.co/EU24bR7Q #
- Even after all this time /
The sun never says to the earth, /
“You owe me." — Hafez # - i mean just thousands of bees all snorting crushed up ritalin off urinal cakes, waving fronds of poison ivy and shouting bigoted slogans. #
- let's think about the future. http://t.co/uOIFZt7h #
- @MrDannyNoel i'll be the curator of your declining mind, sure. in reply to MrDannyNoel #
- Where women glow and men chunder? #
- Sludge blood in the brain pan the color of clay /
Yup buddy I'm glad it's wed-nes-day. # - @apopa Necraustralia. Is exactly identical to actual Australia. in reply to apopa #
- A story written in spinal fluid and bacteria on a substrate of stem cells. #
- Pooping is gross, this is true, but never pooping is far grosser. #
- "We can't spell 'estrogen,' but we can spell 'bitch.'" — actual slogan on 100.3 The Buzz, Raleigh, NC #what #
- @plasticbrentley wait wait is that today? in reply to plasticbrentley #
- @plasticbrentley whew. I want to sound my bitsy bell of freedom at the booth but I can't leave work today. in reply to plasticbrentley #
- with the liberal application of magnesium I will #
- @AllisoNicole86 I think you mean #holytshirtdayBatman in reply to AllisoNicole86 #
- Somebody noticed how erudite my snarky company-wide emails are, and now I get to rewrite the developers' manual for new employee training. #
- technical writing is my jam, y'all. #
- @AllisoNicole86 my prose will be so cogent, a chimp stoned on Percocet will be able to understand it. in reply to AllisoNicole86 #
- @damiengwalter *cleans gun properly, files off serial numbers, hands it back* in reply to damiengwalter #
- @lizargall AH NOE WRYT? in reply to lizargall #
- New house rule for kids under 10: you can write whatever you want on the walls, as long as you write in Latin. #
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